Supporting our children when crisis hits

The world can feel like a pretty scary place these days. Whether your family is experiencing war in Israel right now or a conflict or personal challenge elsewhere, emotions may be running high. The job of a parent is especially complex in situations such as these — you have your own fears and concerns to manage, but also need to give attention to the little people in your charge who are having their own not-so-simple experience of the crisis. It can be hard to know what to say or do to help our children feel safe and deal with their fear, anger, grief and other difficult feelings in a healthy way.

Below are two activities you can do with your children to help them navigate their emotions during a crisis. These activities can be used with a wide range of ages, from young children to adults. Feel free to adapt them as needed to meet your individual children (or yourself) at their particular level.

Safe Space Visualization

It's never too early to teach children the power of our thoughts. The thoughts we choose to hold in mind, whether positive or negative, determine how we experience reality. We can focus on thoughts that empower, strengthen, and build a sense of safety and calm, or on thoughts that invite fear, anxiety, and a sense of helplessness to take root — we have the power to choose! Especially in the midst of a crisis, we want to help our children (and ourselves) consciously create a safe and positive inner environment.

A great way to do this is to help your children create their own personal visualization. You can encourage them to use this visualization any time they feel worried or unstable to fill them with a sense of calm and safety.

Below is a step-by-step guide to creating the visualization:

First, set the mood. Sit together with your child in a comfortable, distraction-free place. Ask her to close her eyes and take some slow, deep breaths. 

You will be asking your child the following questions to help create the visualization. Write down her answers as you go along. 

• Choose a place you love and feel safe in. It could be a special room at home, a beautiful park in the neighborhood, a relative's house, a place your family visited on vacation, etc.
   
• Describe this place using your five senses. What does it look like? What sounds do you hear there? What smells do you smell? What does it feel like to touch the things you find in that place? Is there anything to taste there? Describe your surroundings in as much detail as you can. Imagine yourself in that setting, enjoying everything about it.
   
• Is there anyone or anything you want to bring into your special place with you? 
   
• Now, imagine that your special place is surrounded by a huge, glowing bubble. This bubble protects you and your place from anything bad or sad. It keeps out anything you don't want to come in there with you. What things do you want the bubble to protect you from? Imagine those bad things bouncing off the surface of the bubble and floating away, not able to come inside. You are surrounded by warmth, light, and safety.
   
• How do you feel in this special place?
   
• What will you take with you from this place when you leave to remind you of how it makes you feel?

Now, take your child's answers you've written down and turn them into a narrative in which you describe your child walking to this special place, observing its qualities, envisioning the protective bubble and the bad things it repels, and how it makes her feel to be there. For example, “You are walking down the path through the woods on your way to the special park you love. You see beautiful trees with bright green leaves all around you. You arrive and sit down on the comfy bench that gives you a view of the whole park. You notice the sound of birds singing in the trees, see the bright sunshine sparkling on the blue waters of the pond,” and so on. Follow it all the way through to the end, with your child leaving her special place to go back home, emphasizing that she can return there any time she likes.

You can keep this visualization in written form to read aloud to your child (bedtime is a nice time to do this), or you can even record yourself reading it so she can play it back whenever she wants. The hope is that she will become familiar enough with the visualization and the practice of using it as a tool for emotional support that she will choose to access it for herself when she feels the need.

Draw Your Feelings

Art is another wonderful way of processing difficult feelings, especially if your child is bottling them up more than talking about them. Get out some paper and something to draw with, and walk through the following “Draw Your Feelings” experience together:

• Encourage your child to draw a picture of how he's feeling right now. Don't worry about naming the feeling, which isn't always easy for kids — just focus on the picture. For example, he might draw a big, black, heavy-looking rock. 
   
• Ask, “Do you feel this rock in your body? Where is it?” The answer might be, “In my throat” or “In my stomach.” Ask your child to put his hand where the “rock” is and breathe into it, relaxing the muscles around it, and connecting with the feeling of it.
   
• Ask further questions like, “What does the rock want to tell you?" "Why is it sitting there in your throat?" and "Is there anything you want to tell the rock?”
   
• Then, “What do you want to do with this rock?” Your child can describe the action to you, or draw another picture. Maybe he wants to throw it into the ocean and watch it sink, sit on top of it, or smash it to bits. Help him to visualize doing the action he's chosen. Ask, “How do you feel after doing that to the rock?"
   
• Finally, "What will you do if the rock comes back again?” 

The idea is to help your child understand that he can have power over his negative feelings. We are not our sadness, fear, or anger. They are simply visitors who come to us during times of crisis and pain. We can host them for a time, receive their messages for us, and make conscious decisions about how we want to interact with them. They don't have to become permanent residents within us.

While there is much in life that is out of our control, one thing we can control is our own conscious efforts to create a healthy space within ourselves to feel, process, and be held through trauma. May you be filled with the strength and resilience you need to be there for your children as you walk through the difficult times of life together.